Love, Kindness and You

This is a hard one, but a good one. In all the years I've been working on myself one thing I left behind was understanding myself (my body) Yes I know what I love to do, yes I know what makes my soul happy but understanding yourself goes a lot deeper than just the stuff. Let me give you a little example. After having my second little boy I decided that I wouldn't go back on any sort of contraceptive, I realised I had using this stuff since I was 16, over 20 years. (fuck that makes me feel older then I wanted it to) but even so I know I didnt want to be on them anymore, so I stopped. Well what a rollercoaster that has been. My emotions were all over the place, add having a new baby to the mix, a house renovation, and no sleep.. I was what I would consider a mess. My stress levels were huge and I didn’t realise it. Over the next few years I have learned what can take my mind off the stressful stuff, what makes me happy, what I love doing and where I want to be in the next 3 years. but I never understood myself. With all this good stuff going on I could not for the life of me think what my emotions were still raining their own wave of weirdness. I wanted to lose weight, but I kept eating chocolate like it was going out of fashion, my meals were all healthy and balanced but snacking was becoming an issue for me, then as if to really kick me under the emotional bus, my periods got worse, more frequent, more painful and lasted longer. all to a pint I almost passed out one day. I spoke to the nurse and they did a few tests as I thought maybe I was starting to get symptoms of Perimenopause. They were very similar, from everything I had read about it. But do you know what, it turns out I was stressed, and I didnt know I was stressed. This was caused from the lack of sleep I was getting from my kids not sleeping. (not really much I could do about that.) working late to get stuff done, and being on the go all the time being a stay at home mom with more job in one day then my hubby had to do in a week. So I started to do a few things for me that I had never really done before. Along with tracking my period (which I had always done) I started to track my moods, the way I felt, how I acted when it was two weeks before my period was due. (I designed A tracker the fit what I needed, It’s £2.00..Click here to see more) It sounds so simple, but this really helped me to understand some of the emotions and feelings I was dealing with and how I could handle them. This is still a journey for me. From then I started looking into supplements I could take to help me, I started taking a multivitamin and within a few months I could feel a small difference in how my mood was. I looked into the stress hormone and how it can affect you, and I saw this was also a lot of my symptoms. Tired, lack of sleep (because even when the kids slept, I would still wake up) mood swings, irritabel, anger, lack of energy, horrid PMSing. Anyway I won’t go into too much detail, but I realised I needed to be kinder to myself and help my body support me. It’s still a work in progress that I'm sure will work out. but if you're struggling with anything I want you to seek the answers from yourself. If you need any help I’m here for you, I can help coach you. Knowing and understanding yourself is so important. here are three ways you can help understand yourself a little better Mind - Feed it, give it what it loves, be curious and learn. I’m not just talking about knowledge here, I’m talking about what we see. The experiences we have, and how they can encourage us to do more and be more. Conversations we have, memories we make, but also allowing space for the mind to just be. Allowing it to settle and relex. Body - Take care of it, try and understand it. Knowing your body well goes without saying, but being able to act on it when we know something is not right is brave. Feeding your body what it needs with good foods and exercise, can really help you feel good about yourself. Soul - Ignite it, give it the love and attention it deserves, but also pass that love to others, this will also feed the soul and help all those happy hormones come to life. Finding what makes you happy can light your soul on fire, for me this comes in the form of reading writing and yoga. I found my glimmers - flowers, fresh cut grass and being by the sea, calms me and makes me happy as soon as I see them. Life is an ever changing journey, we have to ride with it, fight for it and love it unconditionally. You can read more about Glimmers on this blog link… If you look after yourself, it will show in those around you. Bekki xx

5 types of self-care • Physical • Social • Mental • Spiritual • Emotional Physical Self-care The physical self-care is really simple, it all about what you body, What food to put in, getting the right amount if sleep, Your physical activity and yuo health needs. I.e going to the doctor when you need to. Social self-care Social self-care is all about the social aspects of your life. Building, nurturing and maintaining relationships with others. Having a social life, getting out seeing people. and have face to face in person interactions with friends and family. Mental self-care This area is all about your mind and keeping it sharp and alert,it can be things like doing puzzles, reading, watching movies, learning something new. anything that stimulates your mind. Spiritual Self-care This one may be a little difficult for some, it’s about nurturing your spirit. It doesn't have to be religious (I’m not religious). But it can mean having a deeper sense of meaning, like understanding your values. Or like me understanding or having a connection to the universe. or simple Meditation to get a better understanding of yourself. Emotional This one can be tough, as a society we don't like to talk about emotions. But I do…this is about making sure you can cope with emotions when the arise. making sure you are able to express your feelings when you need to. Or know that you need to develope skills to cope or deal with your emotions. Why is it important • Reducing Anxiety and depression • Reducing stress and improving resilience • Improving happiness • Increasing energy • Reducing burn out • Stronger interpersonal relationships How many are you doing right now? If you would like to know more about this head over to my blog where you get dig a little deeper if you want to. (link to 5 types blog) Look after Yourself Bekki xx

Do you even have time for self-care? If you have said no, I would like to argue with you over that right now! Email me and tell me why you don’t have time. (email Address) If you are going to give me excuses like: You don’t have any time It’s stupid I have kids I have too much stuff to do I feel overwhelmed by it all I want you to read this… We all have the same 24 hours in a day. It’s how we use our time wisely that can set us apart from others If you plan your time, you can see what time you have availble yo enjoy the other things. As parents we all have so much to in just keeping the kids alive, then we add in pets, cleaning, washing, house maintenance, repairs, cars, work, social life…the list goes on I know. It does feel overwhelming. So I want you to try this…this is my weekly planner sheet. with this code (insert code) you can get 50% off it, that means you can download it for £1.50 in my etsy store. (link to Weekly planner) Use it, plan out you next week, block out the hours your working in one colour, use another colour to show the time the kids are doing stuff and your out Block out the time you are out Block out everything What is left is the time you have free. Now I want you to think about how you use that time. has it become normal to just sit and watch telly, or scroll through your phone. Could you be doing your self-care? Think about it and let me know how you get on. Look after yourself Bekki xx

Mindset and Motivation for Mums Mindset and motivation are two crucial elements for any mum or parent who want to achieve their goals and live a fulfilling life. Here are some tips to help you develop a positive mindset and stay motivated. Focus on the present moment It’s easy to get caught up in the chaos of daily life as a mum, but taking a step back and focusing on the present moment can help you find peace and clarity. Try to live in the moment and appreciate what you have, rather than worrying about what you don’t have. Practice gratitude Gratitude is a powerful tool that can help you develop a more positive mindset. Start each day by writing down three things you are grateful for, no matter how small they may seem. This will help you focus on the good in your life, even when things get tough. Set achievable goals Setting goals is a great way to stay motivated, but it’s important to set achievable goals that you can realistically reach. Write down your goals and make a plan for how you will reach them, breaking them down into smaller, manageable steps. Surround yourself with positivity Surrounding yourself with positive, supportive people can help you stay motivated and maintain a positive mindset. Seek out friends and family members who uplift and encourage you, and spend time with them regularly. Take care of yourself Taking care of yourself is essential for maintaining a positive mindset and staying motivated. Make time for self-care, whether it’s exercise, reading, or simply taking a relaxing bath. Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being will help you feel refreshed and ready to tackle whatever comes your way. In conclusion, developing a positive mindset and staying motivated as a mum requires effort and dedication, but it is worth it. By focusing on the present moment, practicing gratitude, setting achievable goals, surrounding yourself with positivity, and taking care of yourself, you can live a fulfilling life and achieve your dreams. It sounds like a lot doesn't it? Does this make you feel overwhelmed just thinking about all of this? Let's try one thing at a time… First of all we need to look after ourselves. In other words, get some self-care into your day or week. This could be anything that you love doing reading, taking a long bath, exercising or meditation. let's just start doing this once a week, by doing this it will help in making you feel good, calmer and more motivated. So let's just do this for the next 6-8 weeks and get into the routine of doing something that is totally just for you once a week at the least. Next if you have been practicing your self-care regularly you may have seen a change in the way you feel about things or your mood in general is better, you may be more positive about how you look on the day. Without realizing you may have even started to be in the moment a little more. Focusing on the moment doesn't have to be a huge deal, it can just be sitting and watching your kids laugh and play, looking into the sky once in a while when you open the blinds and see the sun rising. It’s just about taking note of now. When we do this the next bit comes easily.. Gratitude, being thankful for what we have, what we can see around us and loving and appreciating the big and little things in life. From this we can then see the goals we want to achieve in life, home work etc. we can set achievable goals within our limitations and our boundaries, without feeling overwhelmed or guilty. We can plan our time well and accomplish what we want.

Momentum, action, results, motivation It sounds like a motivational speech doesn't it, well maybe it is, maybe it's what you need to hear right now, I know I did, a few weeks ago, I lacked motivation to do anything. We had had weeks of being poorly, adults and kids. I was tired and just wanted to go to sleep, but my brain was making me feel frustrated. I still wanted and needed to do the things, but I was waiting for motivation to come... But motivation never just comes. This was something I never realized, sounds stupid when I say it out ;oud, but I have always waited for motivation to come to me. Anyway I was scrolling through Instagram when I can access a reel made by @..... He's a fitness coach, but what he said really got me thinking. Actions get results, results get motivation and in turn motivation gains more action to get more results and even more motivation. This really struck me, an actual light bulb moment and it got me thinking, it can apply to everything we do, if we don't take action in anything, nothing changes. And if nothing changes, nothing changes. So if you're looking for any sort of change in your life you need to take action. I know it's hard when you have no motivation, but as soon as you action something, even the smallest thing on your list, or what has been playing on your mind, if you action it, it will give you the result or a result you want, and give you the momentum/motivation to do the next. You can even do this with your self care, by just having that shower or bath when you don't have the kids around you, changing that thought of “I don’t have the time to do…..” to making sure you fit it into your day. This rule or Manta can change the way you look at things, it has for me. Lets take a task you have meaning to get done, maybe for a week, a month or even just today, you have been procrastinating, putting it off..we all do it, you're not alone in that. Do you know which task you have been putting off? yes? good, now how much time has thinking about that task taken up in your head? Hours? Days? More? How has it made you feel? overwhelmed? frustrated, anxious? annoyed? Yes to all of the above? ok..sit with that for a moment, let it sink in that you have let this simple task get the better of you. and for what reason, you didn't want to do it, but then it took over, your head made it a big thing, when it made it even bigger. Imagine if you had just done that task when you first thought about it. well we wouldn't be having this conversation would we. So I challenge you today, to get that task done. make it non negotiable and set yourself free from all the overthinking. Momentum, action, results, motivation

Challenges & Boundaries From where I'm sitting this week after the half term holidays there have been more challenges put in front of me then I feel have ever before. We have all been there, especially if you have kids, you have so many plans, things you want to do and get done. It’s the first half term where I feel like I had it all ready to go, the kids are getting on, I was excited to do some things with them together and on their own. But the half term week had other ideas for us, both of my boys got sick, full on flu like symptoms, the little one wanted to be attached to me all the time, while crying all the time, sleepless nights from the big one coughing all night, followed by an ear infection. Throw in a new puppy and you have a full list of challenges that I was not prepared for. And wow was I underprepared for it, in four days we only left the house to go to the doctors. and even that was too much for them. I know it’s not by far the biggest challenge I have had in my life, but that week felt like it would never end. But I have to admit that I still did my self-care, I still read every night, I still made time for me, I was exhausted, I went to bed earlier than I normally would and I read. What helped me through the week was my husband, he cooked dinner every night when he got home, he took over bed times, he gave me the time I needed. This is all stuff we would normally share, but he could see how stressful the days were for me. So he walked in and was the partner I needed him to be. No matter what happens, we know life can get in the way, now the boys are back to their normal happy kids selves, everything that i put on hold for that week still needs to be done only I have a shorter time frame to do it. So prioritising my time over the next few weeks, and getting clear on what I want to get done is important. I have in place a set of boundaries that I try my best to stick to, this helps me stay in line with me, so I feel less overwhelmed and stressed out. It sounds almost childlike setting boundaries, but they are important. I'm talking about setting them in your day to day life. Your personal set of boundaries that ensure you have the space you need to be you, boundaries that make sure you don't overwhelm yourself. What would yours be? I've got a few examples for you..some that I have put in place to make sure I get the time I need to be me, which make me feel better prepared to be who I need to be on a daily basis. Because at times I'm a different person, I have different needs, and my boundaries ensure that I can be who I need to be. One of the biggest boundaries I have put in place is to limit the amount of work I do when the children are home. My boys are 5 and 2, they are always demanding my attention, but when I try any sort of work, I feel overwhelmed because they don't leave me alone, they cry, they fight ect. But it's all because I'm not paying them all the attention they need. So I limit it to messages, putting me reels out, really short tasks stuff that doesn't take that much time and this works well for us The second boundary I have put in place is before making a decision I take the time to think about it first. I use this one because I'm a people pleaser, and I seem to always say yes, then I realise that I need to change around the things I have already said yes to in order to fit it in. Making me feel overwhelmed. When 50% of the time there was no need to even say yes, it would have been done by someone else. And the third and final boundary I have put in place is my self care, it's non negotiable, everything I do is for other people, Kids, work, PTA, Play group. That’s why self-care is so important. Like I said there are a few versions of me, mom, wife, friend, business owner and writer, coach. There is no way I can do all of these things at the same time, my head would explode. A couple at a time I can manage but I need to be me, and I am all of those versions. Having the boundaries in place makes sure I can be each and every version of me when I need to be.

Planning why should I? That’s the best question you can ask yourself, why should you plan? Let me tell you why I do it. It's not complicated, it’s simple, it helps me feel free. The thought of feeling free sounds amazing doesn't it? Yep…it really does…but with all of the restraints we have in our daily lives, it’s hard to think we can truly feel free, especially when we have had children, the responsibility that goes along with them, us, providing, school, food, experiences, the worries, the learning, the parenting, I could literally keep this list going for a while, but for both our sanity I won’t. It can be hard to find the time to enjoy something that you love, to feel free and feel like you again. For me it’s all about freeing my mind, letting myself relax and enjoying the changes that happen daily. After I had my boys, I found myself in a situation I had never been in before. I was bored…and I don't really like being bored. I can sit for hours reading, I can be still but I need to be challenged, with stuff. I wanted to be working, but I also wanted to stay at home and be with my boys. We had decided I would give up my job before my maternity leave ended with George (he is 5 now) but I missed doing normal work stuff. I needed to feel like I had accomplished something normal in a day, other than keeping the kids alive and trying to keep my sanity intact. I felt a bit lost. so I started my first business working from home. I used to wake up most days with a feeling of overwhelm, like my head could not even process what I needed to do that day, that week it would feel too big to deal with. Some nights I couldn't sleep, just thinking about what I was going to try and get done the following day, my brain would not switch off, but the more I thought about what needed to be done, the more stuff I thought of. It was a never ending circle. The following day, I would write down a huge list of things I needed to get done. It was not realistic at all, especially with young children at home. every time I open my laptop they would cry, close it they would smile, and not want to play. It's frustrating! there would be twenty plus things on my list for the day. not even small things. but huge things like, create my website. I would start the day full of enthusiasm, then realise after three attempts at trying to do one of the things on my list that it was not going to work. so I would give up, feel like shit and hope that tomorrow would be better. I “The definition of insanity- doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results” - With all this going on, a really good friend of mine, Louise Creswick-Crow, introduced me to the world of planning. She knew I loved a list, but with my world now getting a little busier, with kids, school, work and home stuff she knew I needed something else. And I dived in head first, bought every Happy Planner Item I could, I loved the idea you could create your own from what they had. You could even buy stickers books, to decorate the planners with which was amazing. So my love of planning was born. But the more I planned like this the more I realised I needed variety, I would sometimes not plan at all, because it didn’t fit with how I needed things to go that week. or if something changed, I felt like it would ruin the layout. There was a pressure behind it that snuck up on me. When COVID hit, there was no need to plan anymore, so I stopped. I loved the break from it, and what I realised was there are many different ways to plan, some a lot more structured than others, but for me over the years I found a more relaxed approach works best, I wanted to create my own, be flexible in how I planned. The stuff I needed to do was all still there, but how I felt that week about how I laid it out and what I used was completely up to me. I still have all the other stuff written down, like holidays, birthdays, social events, meetings, appointments, work days, days off, School stuff. that's all in my rIng planner I have created, that info is there when I need it. along with the brain dumps, weekly (time blocking) sheets, Daily sheets and to do lists. If I need more I add it in. I know what I need to get done, what I need to do and achieve in a month/week/day. and making it simple, and completely mine was the best feeling. it felt freeing. So How do I plan now? So at the beginning of each week, I will make a conscious effort to sit down and make my list of what I what/need to get done, I then know when I need to get them done. This always helps me clear my mind and gives me focus on what I will be doing and working towards. This is my main week list. A Brain dump. If my week is particularly busy, then I’ll get the weekly plan sheet out, and time block so I know what I have available that week. Then each morning, while the kids are having their breakfast before the school run, I browse my list and see what I want to do that day, see how my day is planned, and how I can work it around my life, what’s happening that day etc. This works for me, as I find that if I specify certain tasks for certain days before the day arrives, I know when it comes to that day, I won't feel like doing it. Then I won't do it and that causes me to procrastinate and not get anything done and I hate that feeling. So How does it help you feel free? Not only does it help you to stop procrastinating, it keeps you on top of my jobs, work, kids stuff, school stuff, house stuff. But it helps you see the time you have will have free in your week.. so you can plan to do nothing, go for a coffee and a cake with friends. spend some time on you, doing something you love. Or organise things for you and the kids to do at a weekend or in the holidays. It frees your mind from all the stuff, and that is the best feeling. Yes, our lives can be busy. I like it that way. It’s also good having something to do that does not involve the kids, something that's just for you. Have you planned yours this week? It’s important you find your own way of planning a way that suits you, and everything you need to be doing. Speak to later